


blurred lines

by Aclockworksony



Category: Death Note & Related Fandoms, Death Note (Anime & Manga), Death Note: Another Note
Genre: AU, Acting, Alternate Universe - Actors, Angst, Angst and Humor, Death Note - Freeform, Emotional Manipulation, Humor, Identity Issues, Inappropriate Humor, L - Freeform, Light Yagami - Freeform, Loss of Control, Loss of Identity, M/M, Manipulation, Past Relationship(s), Potential Gore, Relationship(s), Sexual Tension, Tension, Violence, alternative universe, l is a director, lawlight, light yagami is an actor
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-22
Updated: 2020-05-24
Packaged: 2021-03-03 04:08:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,941
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24328564
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aclockworksony/pseuds/Aclockworksony
Summary: Death Note AU where Light is an overly dedicated actor, L is a director who pushes his actors to their limits through method acting. Light has to portray a charming killer and now he's more than willing to go off the deep end for his art.
Relationships: L & Yagami Light, L/Yagami Light
Comments: 14
Kudos: 43





	1. breaking the mold

**Author's Note:**

> uhm...Taking a break from writing reincarnation...This is...also because I miss acting,

Light Yagami, the resident sweetheart and heartthrob of this generation. His smile was captivating and seeing him perform was a blessing in disguise. His technique was something straight out of an Oscar or Olivier worthy performance, almost like a shapeshifter. Starting in theatre and making his debut in film only two years into his career, he had become the poster boy for any charming, sexy lead male role- the absolutely perfect typecast. However, he was stuck in the loop of romances and drama’s. Indie or otherwise. His repertoire was becoming bland- that being said his fans were more than satisfied with such roles, so were his agents. He was bringing in the bank and was more successful than they could have hoped for. Light was glad that he could pursue his passion and do so while earning money- he wasn’t the starving actor stereotype which he was thankful for...However- to say that his work was becoming unfulfilling for the young man...would be the truth. It was becoming a pain. He wanted to do something different, he could beg for it- to be put on some abstract stage production or some indie film with a bizarre plot- but they loved playing safe. Protecting Light’s image. The perfect man. 

Which he was the furthest away from, he wasn’t perfect. That wasn’t possible- he was outspoken, very opinionated, indulged in many vices and if his performance wasn’t good enough for you- you lost him. He will gladly work with a director- he wasn’t a pain to work with, but the moment you undermined the role he was playing, made it shallow. He was out. Acting was a form of art as well as self expression. He had not gone and studied theatre just to be told his art was to be watered down. Film was art to him. He tried his hardest not to be a pretentious snob about it- he did. Which is why he began to turn down directors and screenwriters if they underestimated what film meant. What a story really meant- he couldn’t stand it. Which is why we’re in this situation.

“Light! You can’t keep turning down all of these people!”

His manager, Mikami yelled. Running hands through his thick, raven hair in frustration. Light had been his first client, they were very close and all he wanted to do was make sure that both his agency and Light’s career was secure. However- Light was the one hindering this. Why? Because he really wasn’t doing a good job at not being a pretentious film snob.

“Mikami, none of these films...say anything. They’re making my passion feel like a chore! Can’t I try something different? I’m tired of being that dreamy, romantic lead or love interest. I want my career to be more than that!”

Light said, his hands dragging through his chestnut hair- running through it smoothly due to the very expensive shampoo he had been forced into using by people in the industry when he would much rather use something that wasn’t so expensive. Lord knows he didn’t need some blend of chamomile and lavender in his hair- seriously, What is up with that?

“Light…”

“Can’t I afford to be picky? I’ve done so many films- I have a name for myself. Let me try something new! Isn’t there anything?”

There was something- something that would be perfect. The most undeniable form of a performer's duality. Director and Screenwriter, L. Lawliet. Very popular in the indie film scene, a young director who has only revealed his face on set with other actors. Preferring to keep a sense of anonymity in his career. His first film, ‘Gaze.’ was a film very much within the realm of surrealism which was all about drug use and addiction- like taking the scenes from ‘trainspotting’ when they were high, turning that up by 10, losing the scottish people and deciding to focus on why people were addicted. There was a reason they didn’t let him show this film in big, corporation owned cinemas. Very controversial- but films critics had labelled it an outrageous masterpiece of cinema. Though- there had been a slight...sensitive issue attached. L had told his lead...to indulge in method acting. Mail Jeevas had to be rushed to rehab immediately after ‘Gaze.’ had been filmed. Still a popular actor- but refuses to speak on the film that had him greenlit due to...well. Being high on smack for most of it. Tragic, that is. 

“There is...though I’m reluctant to get you involved with this director..You two seem perfect for each other though- if it’s true.”

Mikami sighed out as he rubbed the back of his neck anxiously, rough fingers brushing against his skin. 

“Who?”

“Lawliet. Do you want to audition for his next film?”

Mikami, then pressed his fingers to the bridge of his thick, black glasses. Pushing them up his nose with a loud exasperated sigh.

“The one responsible for gaze?”

“Yes.”

“ _Fuck_ ...yes, please. I love that movie.”  
Love was an understatement- he adored it. There was nothing he wanted to do more than perform in such a raw and untamed way. The struggle- the pain. That’s what he wanted- he wanted his role to torment and change him completely. That’s what acting was to him- transformation. Complete and utter detachment from the self. Inhabiting a new character. A new person- a different side of the self.

“You realise he’s fucking crazy...right? Mai-”

“I know! I know...but...I want to take the plunge. What’s the part?”

“That hasn’t been announced- all there is, is a monologue, location and time.”

“I’m doing it.”

“You realise this might affect your career badly?”

“You think I care? They love me- no matter what I do. The theatre will take anybody, anyways. Let me...Let me do something risky. It’s my fault. Not yours if I crash and burn. This is art to me- not business.”

“You’re obsessed with artistic integrity.”

  
  


Lawliet knew that many wouldn’t show up- people are scared of his unorthodox direction. Well- unorthodox meaning no holding back...but real life wasn’t stripped back- that’s what he loved about it. Life was brutal, cruel and unforgiving. What’s wrong with showing that? If getting a real drug addict actor that was good and capable of functioning was possible- he would have gotten one.This role though…Getting a real serial killer to perform would be impossible...so some actor would have to do. L was watching live feed of the rehearsal space- he was only a room away, but the fact was- that if you couldn’t convey emotion through a screen, you couldn’t be in film. Especially not in his. You had to be picture perfect for the part, for his part. What he had written. He was an artisan, his work was sacred to him. Film was sacred to him. Stories were holy.

So far, the actors had been mediocre at best. Barely capable of getting a reaction out of him. There were two auditoners in the room- if he found the perfect person. They would know- because he would call them and scream down the phone. They had to be very good if he did that. Excellent, marvelous performers were all he would work with, especially the lead.

You needed to be perfect, both visually and in terms of technique. He didn’t often trust actors that hadn’t been to Drama School because...being trained was important even if stage acting and film was radically different, knowing what you were doing and how you were doing it mattered to him- screw raw talent if he couldn’t tell if you were thinking through each syllable of every word, beat placement and tone management. The monologue he had written...needed to be performed with confidence as well as that same thrill of being on the edge- being exposed. Being found. The adrenaline, the excitement- it all had to be exemplified by the use of voice and physicality.

Staring at his screen- his empty, grey eyes questioned when somebody worth his writing would perform. Sat in his seat, he just needed something with more substance…

Light wasn’t anxious- he had practised this monologue constantly, committed it to memory. Each way a word was said, how he would move. Being caught...something immoral, disgusting. You had to infer it- you had to guess. You needed to trust the script and yourself...something about the writing felt unchained. The dialogue was perfectly human..raw. You could feel this character's essence dripping off the page, the layers, the complexities and his duplicity...He desperately wanted to know more. Light wanted to inhabit this character- to be it’s vessel.

“Light Yagami?”

A woman called out, the space was in a small office. The audition room was small, white walls- grey carpet, no personality. Bland. All for the purpose of the actor to make something in the environment. Walking to the door- a young, blond woman holding the door open smiled at him.

“Thank you.”

He grinned at the girl, flashing his teeth. She blushed in response- she must have watched his films before...she looked excited. Not that this should be a surprise, his main demographic was women. 

“I love your work…”

She whispered after him, letting the door close behind them.

“Thank you, I’m glad that you do.”

Light spoke, before making his way to ‘centre stage’. Taking a deep breath, exhaling deeply. Relaxing his entire body.

“Thank you for coming, Mr Yagami. Begin when you’re ready.”

Light inspected the room briefly, it truly was plain- despite a bulky camera facing him directly. This was being filmed…? No, Lawliet was watching…

L leaned forward in his seat upon seeing Light enter- he had seen a few of the man’s films before. He was...talented but none of the scripts he was given did him much justice- he didn’t think this was going to be amazing. He thought this was probably going to be slightly less mediocre than the rest. Gazing at the screen, brushing his dark hair away from his eyes. Staring. Light could swear he felt more than two pairs of eyes watching him.

Then...Light began to perform. His posture shifting, more upright. Lifting his head higher, making eye contact with the camera- he wasn’t acting for the girls. He was acting for the director. Light had to make sure that L knew that.

**“** That’s right...I’m Kira. _What now? What_ can _you_ do about it? Stop me? There’s no point. You found me. I’ll stop. _That won’t bring them back_.”

Light’s physicality changed, it became free and cruel- every movement was sharp as he spoke, no. As he hissed, as he cut through his audience.

“I won. I win. I let you find me- It was getting boring. You’re giving me _exactly_ what I want. The notoriety, the attention. I **_fooled_ ** all of you- I was right underneath your noses. You failed. It doesn’t even matter... If this is the end of the line, nobody will ever know. We’re all going to die. Nobody will ever believe you. I’m the victor. I always win. This is penance for our sins. Getting rid of the filth who have polluted our world- I sacrificed myself for the likes of you! You! Who takes me for granted now...I’m not just _some_ man. I’m a **martyr.”**

L sat, wide eyed, gulping. Scared. He was scared- he was shocked. He felt his blood run cold, the cold- empty look from the screen. The malice, hate and delusion of this character leaked out of every word. He was petrified. This...he hadn’t felt this before...two hours..of this? In a cinema? This visceral viciousness? Kira had come alive- the perfect, deranged monster had appeared with a pretty face and a career that would crumble underneath his own feet...L had even considered that- actually. No. Art shouldn’t be held back.

Light Yagami was Kira.

Rapidly, he picked up his phone- speed dialing them auditioners, who by the way- were shivering, intimidated. That room they were in had felt like it turned into a claustrophobic crawl space- like Light’s hands were gripped around their throats. Like they were at Light’s mercy...He was letting them live. It felt freezing, like their world had become totally separate from that they were used to. The blonde jumped in fear- letting out a shrill shriek as the phone buzzed- she nearly fell out of her seat. Picking up the phone- holding it to her ear.

“H-”

“HIM! HE’S THE ONE- I DON’T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT HIS SHITTY MEDIOCRE MOVIES! IT’S HIM- TELL EVERYBODY ELSE TO PISS OFF- HE’S BEEN CASTED AS OF RIGHT NOW!”

L yelled down the phone- so loudly Light could hear it from where he was. The actor couldn’t help but let out a laugh. He knew he was good. 

“When’s the first table read?”

Light asked- hoping for Lawliet to yell down the line in response.

“NEXT WEEK, WEDNESDAY. YOU’LL GET AN EMAIL YOU SCARY BASTARD!”

It was safe to assume that he had gotten the part. Light was elated. ‘Scary bastard’? He must have been really good if Lawliet said that...Isn’t his thing method acting though? Oh. He hadn’t thought about that...but. To create art means to sacrifice a few things? Right? To be honest...that was the kind of art he wanted to create. Light wanted to lose himself in a role- if that was being granted to him, it didn’t matter what the part was. He wasn’t going to put his body and soul into a role with nothing to offer- but this part…’Kira.’ Something about it sent shivers up his spine, it excited him. Something about it was intoxicating...how deep was the rabbithole? He was no longer the pretty boy typecast- this could...change everything. For better or worse? He didn’t care. He just wanted to read the entire script.

When L had gone home that evening- he watched Light’s performance on repeat. Analysing the performance and making notes about how the film could be shot in order to complicate his performance. He had never seen an actor change so much in a split second- every word reverberated in your bones. It shook your core and left your breath cold as you grappled the sides of your seat. Lawliet had been left petrified and wanted to know why the young man had settled for such...useless films when he could do- that. What he had done was a complete transformation, it was metamorphosis, evolution. How could somebody do that and be given such painfully bland characters...It was a waste of talent and clearly well crafted skill. L needed that. He wanted it. He wouldn’t have anything less than that.

When watching this film- he wanted people to be shit scared, not just because of the atmosphere, score and look of the film...he needed the performance to be haunting. To be horrifying.

‘Gaze’ had been an insight into what caused addiction and reliance, ‘Deceit’ needed to show the perfect liar. If he could act that well...Light Yagami was more than capable. L was more excited than he had been when discovering Mail Jeevas. This guy was on a totally different level...how far would he be able to push it? He didn’t want to make a murderer out of somebody...The press would be awful. Though- that would be an interesting outcome...Drug addict, then murderer? Nice…

Mikami was shit scared for what press might come through due to letting Yagami do a film like this- the moment it was announced he didn’t know if fans would be thrilled or disgusted. Working with somebody who made their lead performer become a drug addict didn’t sound like it would benefit anybody. He didn’t even know what the film was about- but Lawliet’s previous work hadn’t made this venture sound promising. Why was Light so desperate to perform in such a...brutal way? Why couldn’t he just be the perfect man? Was his ‘art’ really so important to him? Why? Light could have been anything and he chose to be a prolific actor? For what reason?

When Wednesday had come around, to say that Light was excited would be an understatement. He would be meeting the rest of his cast, finally reading the script and getting words from the director...Though- if anything he wanted to meet that man behind such lunacy...He had pictured him being eccentric- the same way that he was. Idolising effective, beautiful and honest story telling. That was all he could hope for. Moreover- finding out what the actual story of this film was, was equally as exciting. 

They had met at the same office as previously, this time a floor above and in a larger room- the same white walls and grey carpet. This time with a long, stretched table to fit the small cast onto. There was a laptop with a large ‘L’ displayed. The director must be watching them do this, probably to give insight and feedback on the performances. He knew that he would be asking the most from Light- Light was okay with that, part of him craved the pressure that would come with such an important role.

There were name tags on the table- each displaying the actor and the role they had been given. Four main roles. The pinnacle being Light. The rest present were side actors that hadn’t been giving major parts.

‘Light Yagami- Kira (Hajime Ren)’

‘Nate River- Hanpei Hara’

‘Kiyomi Takada- Harou Eiusuke.’

‘Touta Matsuda- Ikkai Chouka’

With minimal introductions- the reading began. Each of the four acting as they had in their audition. The story followed a charming genius who kills somebody out of self defense- falling in love with the feeling and convincing himself he could begin to eradicate injustice...he kills through various means.

The three members of the supporting cast are all a part of a team of detectives trying to find him...he is their leader. 

Deceit was a very fitting name for this project- and the table read had made that even more apparent. Each actor struck to the core- giving emotional and realistic performances. Light once again- changing the atmosphere completely whenever a scene centered on himself was being done. The air chilled- all focused on him. Light was lying if he said he didn’t like the attention- because he knew this character that demanded attention and he ripped it from you in a moment's notice. His performance was the kind you couldn’t look away from- each word felt like a knife slicing through your ears. Even while the character was acting as the perfect leader, the duality could give you whiplash if you weren’t careful. 

L was on the edge of his seat for the whole thing despite being the one who had written the damn script- each performer brought the perfect interpretation of the script. They were ready- he was excited. Painfully so. There was nothing he wanted more than to be trapped with these actors and drive them to their peak- they were about to be in a life changing experience.

L believed that capturing raw humanity was important in film, it wasn’t supposed to be easy to digest, because life wasn’t easy. Life was difficult, it can break or make a man- and he’s one of the few lives that have been made. Biting at his thumb- his script had been filled in with different uses of cinematography, lighting and other components that would benefit each of the actors- the most prominent being Light’s. He couldn’t believe he had stumbled upon such talent- he couldn’t believe that Light had been in such...shit films. That being said he was always the strongest performance- he had a sense of dignity in each of his roles that not many could uphold after being distinguished to the ‘pretty boy’ of film in the last two years. He had done his research, top marks in his school, originally intended on being a detective- went to drama school after finishing his years in the police academy. Top marks again. Got a few jobs in acting on stage- his manager getting him his breakthrough role in some shitty romance movie that L couldn’t stand watching. He had totally underestimated him- it didn’t help that he was visually perfect. Everything felt perfect...He had a stunning reputation now...L would be responsible for revealing the monster of an actor that was Light Yagami.

L began to wonder how he could get into a role like that...How long could he keep it on for? How far would he be able to push it? How murderous could that callousness become? Could he spit acid? Would his blood be red hot with hatred? How much could he hate humanity? How far could he despise everybody? Was Light willing to lose himself to such a part? He was yearning to find out when he could finally talk to him and discuss their artistic intentions together. He was hoping that the man would be easy to discuss these things with...even if he wasn’t there was too much to do with him that he didn’t care- he could be a a right fucking brat but as long he was going to perform at his best, L would willingly put up with it..

There was still time to meet with each member of the main cast, the more he thought about the project- each read through of the script made him more confident. He didn’t care if this film would be spat on or hailed for the rest of time because to him- this was going to be the apex of film. L had been working on movies, writing scripts for years. It was only recently he could create his own- modern film felt empty, with no heart or effort. There were few that could make him feel something. Lawliet had made it his job to create the films that could evoke strong emotions. Whether that was awe, temptation, fear or so on. Gaze had thrived on making the audience uncomfortable via using closed spaces and angled shots that could confuse and totally change the meaning of the writing...Now- with this film, he would refer to a more simplistic style of cinematography, in order to show the performance rather than anything- if Light didn’t get recognised as an actor with range after this film, he would consider himself a failure.

Light wondered to himself...Would people really be surprised or upset if he played a serial killer in some independent film? If his looks were all that were being recognised...then he didn’t want such a shallow career. He was an actor because he wanted to bring something fresh to the table, he wanted to change and be as far away from himself as possible. At this point- directors were just asking him to be himself...that clearly isn’t acting. It felt like an insult in reality to be diminished in such a way...Sometimes- very rarely Light felt like an idiot for being so dedicated to his craft, just because people didn’t understand. All of his colleagues suffered from burnout after the first few films...They stopped caring as much after that. Light couldn’t dream about that happening- if that happened he knew that he had to stop acting. The moment he became bored was the moment that a career stopped being viable...Pursuing something he didn’t care for wasn’t an option- it never would be. Luckily, through acting and the amount of money he was earning...he could stop acting and go into any career he wanted to without much hassle. Nothing was going to keep him tied down. Light had decided that the moment he completed school- he was going to be whatever he wanted to be. Whatever he wanted to become.

Laughing to himself- he realised that...if this was the end of his career. Just because of this one decision- at least he’s going out with a bang.


	2. white

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uhm...Method Acting isn't dangerous when done correctly- so...this is obviously over exaggerated and is realistically a piece of melodrama. But it would be boring if we didn't spice it up, eh?  
> I'm so glad you're all into this- my twitter is @yagamislover and my tumblr is @aclkwrksony !

“I want you so deep in this part you’ll have to claw your way out.”

L stated as they sat around his desk- it was a white plywood, he seemed to like the sanitary feeling that came with the tone. It was reflected by the choice of rehearsal spaces and so on. L would tell you it was because white was blank. Nothing. It means nothing and the moment you put something in it- it becomes totally different. L’s desk was a white, but the moment it was populated by himself, a laptop and a few pens...It became more than that. White was something to be taken advantage of, use it to change. Light would share in this type of philosophy- he could see the symbiotics and what it could tell you about the Director. He liked to create, to change. To evolve in the simplest ways...but with small intricacies something simple can become overwhelmingly different and complex- Why were the pens there? To show professionalism? This proves the point of the pens existence- L wasn’t as simple as a laptop and a desk. Small details lead to questions that will either be left unanswered or answered if you’re lucky.

What did this say about L to Light? To Light, Lawliet possessed a sense of artistry over his work- showing that in his lack of materialism. It would make sense to show awards you had earned in your office- and yet he did not do so despite ‘Gaze’ having won several. He could also tell you that the simple placement of pens probably meant- the desk was too plain, or that he liked having options. You could interpret such a minimal set up in many ways even without knowing the person in front of you...but the moment you grew to know them that would change completely. Light sat straight in his chair, it was a simple, black office chair that creaked underneath whoever sat in it with a painful squeak. What did the seat mean? He wasn’t concerned with money and didn’t care much for the comfort of others because in comparison he had a grand leather chair in which he would swing his legs over the side and sit in peculiar ways that he had just deemed ‘comfortable’. If anything- it was more amusing to watch him swivel about in his chair as he tried to explain something, like he was right now.

Currently, Lawliet was sitting sideways, his leg hanging off the left arm of the chair, swinging- making the leather groan against his jeans. The other hanging down the front of the seat normally. 

“I like the sound of that.”  
Light stated quietly as he rested his hand against his face. Any part of your posture can say something about you- for example this position shows a relaxed nature, that of the more self absorbed. You have his attention- but ultimately he’s always thinking. The way L is sitting? Eccentric, free thinking and narcissistic. He won’t give you the time of day unless you’re worth it. 

“You do? I didn't expect a pretty boy to audition for such a part.”

L stated as he leaned his head back against the leather- his hair was a charcoal black, styled without much effort. His middle part fanned out lazily, it’s length just barely revealing an undercut- like curtains that have been pushed to the side, unused. L’s eyes felt so plain in comparison to Light’s. They were a grey, a deep grey that had little to no life, shining in the presence of artificial light or left dim and unfeeling. He would be a horrible actor- you had to use your eyes to convey so many emotions, L would be utterly useless but this made him difficult to read. An advantage all on it’s own.. In contrast to Light’s deep brown irises which shone and reflected in any way he wanted, Light possessed complete control over his sight and how to use it- you had to believe every word he said. That’s what his eyes told you. L had taken notice of this- he, himself was a liar. You have to be in such a business- but Light? He wasn’t just any liar. He made you believe everything, the young man seemed so genuine in everything he said, his poise and movement was so precise and balanced. He didn’t waste his actions...Lawliet could feel Light assessing everything that he did, like he was analyzing a character on stage, like L was performing for Light just by sitting for him...That’s dangerous that is, L thought...Light might see right through him one day- and if a murderer possessed that sort of mentality, they could win. They see through each and every layer of cautiousness and strip you of what defenses you have. L wanted to convince himself to be more careful- he knew the dangers that came with completely submerging with a character, he had seen it with Gaze...Would this be dangerous?

All Light and L were doing was assessing each other. Reading every moment- what it meant and how to use it. Despite his caution...he wanted to know how Kira would look at him, it would be the same...but colder. Harsh. Nowhere near as warm. Light felt...too good to be true.

“I don’t really like being reduced to that. I’m an actor. I should have range, don’t you think?”

“I agree. People won’t like it.”  
“Screw people. I’ve already let go of that. If I cared- I wouldn’t be here, would I?”

Light’s voice was so...soft, but even in spite of that his words had a certain edge that would force you to listen. Even without the part of Kira attached- he demanded your attention without even trying. You felt like you had to listen...It felt rude if you didn’t listen to every word coming out of his mouth. Kira on the other hand. His voice...it left you hanging on his every word. Instead of just having an edge, it was just like a knife. It felt cold, it made your heart speed up and made you tense on what could come next. L hadn’t experienced that before- he was itching to see and hear it again.

“I like you.”

“You do?”

“I do, I can see you’re more than willing to do this. This isn’t just some paycheck to you.”

“It’s not. I wouldn’t reduce my profession to that.”

“-But I like Kira even more.”

L states, leaning forward in his seat, pulling himself forward- getting closer to Light. Closing the gap between each other.

“I’m not surprised that’s the case.”

“When we’re on set- I don’t want to see Light Yagami. I want to be shitting myself 24/7.”  
“I think you misunderstand your own character…”

Light said slowly, sighing. Looking at L- he actually looked confused. Was Light mistaken?

“You’re reducing Kira to being frightful. You wrote him purposely with a sense of duplicity. He’s not always supposed to scare you- he’s supposed to convince you. He’s supposed to make you think he’s more than just a killer, he’s smart, charming. He only bears his teeth when necessary.”

Lawliet was pleasantly surprised with Light’s character analysis, if not slightly embarrassed.

“You’re right. You’re just...terrifying either way. I want to see more of it.”

L scratches the back of his neck in slight annoyance- he was getting ahead of himself wasn’t he? He couldn’t help being excited, he just wanted to push Light. He didn’t think the young man would need much pushing to begin with.

“You still have to be scared though. You know Kira. You wrote him- he won’t have a reason to hide himself from you.”

“Ha! What if he kills me?”  
“That would be very ironic haha, to be killed by your own creation.”  
“Poetic, don’t you think?”

“Very.”

The two sat in silence for a moment- thoughts brewing. A sense of comradery and tension building between them for reasons they couldn’t explain.

“ _Will_ he kill me?”

“I have some self restraint-”

“Kira doesn’t.”

“Have you sinned badly enough for it to be considered?”

“Definitely.”  
“Then you might not be so safe after all.”

L felt a shiver go up his spine- Why was that so thrilling to him? Why was he so excited? Light had practically threatened his life, but he wasn’t just scared...he was exhilarated. Was he really such a thrill seeker? Probably. He wouldn’t doubt it. The idea of being killed by somebody as attractive as Light wasn’t so bad...He hoped that would wait until after filming the movie. Then they would both be considered tragic geniuses. Although...Would he be caught if he did kill him? Most likely...not. He has money- he’s clearly intelligent. He’s charming. If he did kill him…The answer is no. Light Yagami. Kira. Would not be caught.

“Do you need to be psychologically tested before this? Like- are you all there? Be honest.”

“Hm. I would say so.”  
He wasn’t.

“If I wasn’t I wouldn’t be so willing- I’m willing to endanger myself mentally for this part anyways.”

No, he’s doing this to escape himself, but he’ll never admit to that. Too much pride. He hates himself as much as he loves himself. Acting is escape. This is an escape. The deepest form of it he can get right now.

“That’s what I like to hear.”

“Will I have to take drugs for this?”  
“No, just smoke. A bit boring though, isn’t it?”

“I smoke anyways- it’s fine.”

“Ooh, a pretty man with black lungs. You’re perfect.”

“My lungs aren’t black. Old habits die hard though. Do you smoke?”

“I smoke all sorts of things, including cigarettes.”

“Pretty man with a drug problem...Who would have thought?”

“It’s not a problem, it’s just drugs…”

Light chuckled, his eyes meeting with L’s.

“That’s why Gaze felt so informed...are you a murderer as well?”

“No. Plus, it’s a rare indulgence. Don’t worry- I don’t plan on dying _too_ young. Drugs, I mean.”

“Thank God.”

“But Deceit is all about a liar. That’s what it’s really about.”

“Then I'm more than qualified.”

L was very pleased with that response. He had found Kira in the flesh and he hadn’t been expecting that. A liar knows how to play a liar. Not just any actor can do that. He seemed so genuine...of course he was a liar. That just made sense. There has to be a reason you make everybody believe what you say...but to be honest this only convinced him that portraying Kira wouldn’t be so hard for Light after all.

Light had not expected for L to look as he did- he didn’t know what he expected to be honest. Part of him wanted to see some polished genius but instead he was greeted with an unkempt, charming sort. He didn’t mind it. It made sense- tortured minds never do come out the way you’d expect them to. L seemed like the type who didn’t care about anything other than enjoying himself, avoiding boring and bland experiences. That’s probably why he’s such a fan of the risky way he made actors indulge their parts...The other parts were complex- but more so because they’re struggling to keep up with their leader and how he manages to do all that he does...The majority of the script is spent on Kira and his actions, thoughts and words. Each stringing together to create a monster. A monster that was going to feel like home to Light. When practising the initial monologue- identifying the character was difficult because many would take it at face value and deem this character evil, they did something bad...that’s it. That’s the depth. Nice guy with a bad guy slapped ontop- when in fact that character revolved around intense rationalisation and the idea that murder is okay under certain circumstances. Self defence, judgement. The idea that he was helping people despite sacrificing his own morality to do so. There is a moral clash between two weapons, subjective morality and natural law. Kira was more complex than a charming killer, he was probably the most human out of all of the characters because humans were put on this earth and then fucked it up. Making mistakes is normal- because once you kill you feel like a God. You managed to dictate life and death- just like some divine being and now you are capable of the judgement of those you deem worthy.

Kira didn’t always kill directly, he could afford alternative ways. They were safer and prevented it being traced back to him...but he felt the most alive when he could see them die. It was a power trip. It’s easy to be seduced by that sort of power- the moment you can justify it to yourself, you can do it and you won’t want to stop. People relish power. Everybody wants to be the subject of power or dominated by it.

“When we’re on set. I want to see Kira.”

“You will.”

“Is he a pain to work with?”

“No, I think you’ll find him quite lovely.”

The two were already growing fond of each other over a mutual, unspoken understanding that they were more than willing to do whatever it took for their art. This was a joint collaboration which was more intimate that it seemed. Artists of the same amount of dedication don’t always exist. Especially not in an industry like film. Passion radiated off of them in ways that you didn’t find frequently. Despite their contrasting appearances, they were very much the same. 

After their meeting had ended, Light had already arranged to meet with Mikami. Filming was coming much quicker than either of them had anticipated- this was probably because Lawliet was too excited to go through the slow route and had already known where the set would be and arranged most things before audition dates had even been set, saying he was enthusiastic would be an understatement. Though, he was just quick at knowing what he wanted and how he wanted it- as soon as the concept for Deceit had entered his mind he knew exactly where the main parts of the film would be set. Mostly indoor areas, he knew that whoever would be portraying Kira would have to make the audience feel trapped, unable to escape him. Therefore, most of the film would be inside. Enhancing that claustrophobia and inability to visualise fleeing him.

Upon Light arriving at Mikami’s office, he could already see that his friend was visually stressed. 

“You’ll get wrinkles if you aren’t careful.”

Light stated upon closing the door behind him with that satisfying clap of the door connecting with it’s frame.

“Light...can you promise me no scandal…?”

Mikami asked, distorting his face crudely as he dragged his fingers down his face. He’ll definitely get wrinkles if he does that. Thinking for a moment, Light paused his movement, letting out a brief hum to show that he was thinking very hard _just_ for Mikami.

“I can’t.”

“WHAT!?”

Mikami shrieked as he put his head down on his desk- groaning loudly as his arms gripped either end of the glass table. It was like something you’d see out of a cartoon.

“It’s a dangerous part, Lawliet is just as serious as me.”  
“I shouldn’t have handed this to you so easily-”  
“Yeah, but it’s too late to pull me off. I won’t let you.”

“I know.”

Lifting his head off of the table slowly- his glasses now pushed to the bottom of his nose, his eyes pierced through Light.

“If you fuck up really bad- I’ll drop you. I don’t want to Light- I like you. You’re the best I have.”

“I’m obsessed with artistic integrity, aren’t I?”

“Be serious, just for a moment.”

“We’re a good team. Without you I wouldn’t be as successful as I am. Can I smoke?”  
“Not really- but if you give me one. Fine.”  
“Deal.”

Light’s fingers creeped into his grey jacket’s inside pocket. The jacket hung lowly, enveloping him while giving this intimidating sense of power. It’s weird what a big jacket can make you look like- how it can make others feel. But he looked gorgeous in grey- it brought out his darker features, giving him an element of mystery and tenseness.

Pulling out a pack of cigarettes from his inner pocket- he wasn’t picky about brand or appearance. He never had been, nicotine was nicotine. It didn’t matter how he received it. Frankly, he was too lazy to roll his own anyways. Flipping open the lid, he pulls out the two, white cylinders in between his finger and thumb, passing one to Mikami. Taking a seat despite his manager never making it clear if he could sit or not, he pulled out a bulky, metal lighter that had been weighing down his pocket. He had stolen it from his father when he first started smoking- he was in awe of how it was still going strong. Lighting the cigarette with a blunt scrape of his finger against the mechanism he inhaled deeply for a moment, closing his eyes. Part of him missed when he had first started smoking- the coughing and wheezing that would convince you to stop- but you didn’t anyways. Ignoring the body’s plea for health. Tossing the lighter to Mikami, he continued.

“But, I’m not all about success. I could get any job and be fucking amazing at it. I could probably be better than you at your own job, but that doesn’t matter to me. Money? I have plenty right now. What I want to do is art. To perform. To change.”

Mikami was too busy indulging in his vice to pay too much attention- Light hadn’t seen Mikami smoke frequently. He had claimed that he had quit. Was this movie really so stressful for him?

“12 phone calls, Light. 12 and all infinitely better for your image. If you don’t get some fucking...award or some shit- this has to be oscar winning shit, if I’m going to chill out. You are this company's key- you’ve made us hitting the mainstream possible.”  
  


“You don’t sound thankful- Lawliet is an iconic director and he’s done one film. This might benefit you more than anything.”

“Jeevas turned into a druggie after working on Gaze.”

“Good thing I’m only going to be a serial killer.”

“WHAT!?”

Mikami spluttered, taking his cigarette from in between his lips and placing the palm of his hand square against his forehead with frustration.

“What?”

“Light! A serial killer? That’s infinitely worse!”

“Only if you get caught.”

Light jokes, pulling his eyes away from his manager and looking out of the window and at the busy streets below them.

“Are you actually...there? Mentally?”  
Mikami inquires as he stares at Light in worry- he knew it was a joke, but keeping in mind that he knew how far Light would go for a performance...Something didn’t sit right with him.

“What? Of course I am. I want to lose myself in this part, I won’t kill anybody.”

Light stated as he continued to look down- inspecting the people as they walked. Currently, he was thinking through Kira’s movement and how he would carry himself.

“Light...is this really a smart idea?”  
“Mikami, for God’s sake. If I fuck myself over- I’ve fucked myself over. I don’t actually give a shit. I just want to act. If this reflects badly on you, sorry. I don’t care that much though- I told you I’d pursue what I’d like and that was our agreement.”

“I mean as a friend...Light. Is there something you haven’t told me?”

“There's plenty I haven't told you and I’d expect that you haven’t told me everything either. It’s normal to have secrets. In regards to my mental health, if that’s truly your concern other than your own company, I really am fine. Ship shape- just tired of your worrying.”

Mikami let out a defeated sigh as he finally pushed his glasses up his nose, he had looked ridiculous only a moment ago but was now back to his composed, hopefully calm self.

“If you say so. Shooting begins soon. I’ll check in on you once in a while.”

With that, Light took himself and his cigarette out of Mikami’s office and to his home. Sometimes, he didn’t like when people questioned him too much. It was annoying and having to explain yourself is a pain on it’s own and Light didn’t like being particularly open in the first place. It was his job to listen, not to talk. He only had something to say when he was acting, that was when he was at his most emotionally honest and he wasn’t even being himself. He preferred to avoid being himself as much as possible if he could, life was more fulfilling that way.

However, when he was at home- it was straight to work. Developing his character, staying away from himself again. Staying separate.

Light was certainly interested in Lawliet- he just wanted to get to know him, understand what caused his passion and avant garde way of doing things. Of course, he probably wouldn’t have a chance until after this was all done to do that...Kira was going to be his main priority. He had to be put in that headspace and stay there, Light Yagami wasn’t allowed to get out unless necessary. Keep him under lock and key.

L was equally as curious, rightfully so. Light seemed eager and like minded- he was clearly going to take this seriously. Lawliet was ready to see what he would do...What Kira would do. Their meeting had left a good impression on him- but despite how charming and handsome Light Yagami was, Kira was going to be the showstopper. L yearned to hear that cold, unfeeling voice. The lies that he had crafted...The way he walked, moved and held himself. How would he perform while killing? If anything, a sick part of him wanted to cultivate a relationship with him...He knew that ultimately- Kira was Light Yagami...but they felt like seperate people just sharing the same face. Lawliet liked that concept. It felt like Jekyll and Hyde…

He didn’t care much for the well being of others- he'd prefer to just sit back and laugh but he could acknowledge the difficulty that came with method acting parts such as Kira. That being said, he’ll sacrifice anybody to ensure that this film would turn out the way he wanted, in spite of his easy going nature he wasn’t quick to forgive, let alone forget.

Weeks passed by quicker than Light would like to admit, his time had been spent learning his lines and annotating the script in both an attempt to break down his dialogue and interactions with the other characters. This would also aid in the characterisation of Kira that he had been working through with little difficulty. Moreover, this could be considered worrying. He found himself slowly identifying with the killer more and more...this could just be due to his methods of getting into character which requires completely blocking out all out of character thoughts- this of course isn’t very healthy and does nobody any good. In spite of that, he did it anyway. Finding a strange euphoria through developing such a character because he was so...kind on the surface yet he was the furthest from that. He was cruel, he sought out justice in morally undignified aways and the ex-detective inside himself ran away with the thought. Light knew a lot about criminals, he knew how they thought...at times it was almost scary as to how much he could relate to them, but that was because they were human. Yet...part of Kira didn’t feel human, especially in the latter half of the film. It was like his grip on humanity and being capable of sympathy was being dragged away viciously by the hair. The rage, the pride and delirium that came with his actions swept his capability to feel the same others did...Kira didn’t feel less than human. The way in which Light would describe it was...above that. In reality, this could be considered quite a real feeling...To feel superior. Light almost felt himself connecting with the sensation. Sadly, Light didn’t actually know how it felt to kill anybody, he considered that the only weakness in his performance. A lack of experience...he knew better than to seek this out, quite obviously going out and killing somebody for the sake of performance art is drastic and shouldn’t be taken into consideration, another person’s life shouldn’t be taken so lightly. Though, as the actor prepared he could feel himself become more willing to finally let himself go, the moment he walked on set. He wasn’t allowed to be himself anymore. Of course, nobody had set that rule for him, he had done it to himself.

Why was Light so eager to escape? He doesn’t like to think about it. In fact- he acts as if that part of his life didn’t exist. It’s repressed and he’s not going through the effort of digging it up for anybody, not even himself. Though it would make for excellent emotion memory practise...Stanislavski truly is the best friend of realism in acting.

The day had approached, L had been staying at the set three days in advance. Sleeping on a sofa and absorbing that atmosphere just like any pretentious director would. L had specified that each member of the cast was only to be referred by character name, and to be treated as such. No exceptions unless they were an extra.

The set was an old office building in which he had used his plentiful amount of money to create several areas of the set with distinct differences. He was going to explore with colour and space…

When the crew had appeared on set- it was all the previous crew from Gaze, that was the easiest. They knew to shut up and let Lawliet tell them what to do. Everybody was going to stay in a hotel down the road...It was all so close together. L liked that sort of control though, nobody had to see anything about the film before it was ready. Wearing a plain white top, large jeans that sagged around his heavy combat boots with a complimenting black trenchcoat- the contrasting colours said something...but none of the crew could decipher what it was the moment he put on some obnoxiously circular sunglasses tinted in a deep grey- masking his irises in the shade creating the illusion of outrageously large eyes.

Kiyomi, Matsuda and River had all appeared at the same time, already deep in. Talking to each other as if they were colleagues, Lawliet was pleased. They weren’t idiots. They had actually gone through with his demands- only morons didn’t do that. Seeing his characters being visualised so well...was always astonishing. It pumped his blood through his veins, he couldn’t help but smirk as they mingled together in the plain, basement like room. This is where the first murder would take. It’s minimalism was to focus on his lead’s acting as well as symbolism for the lack of confusion in the act. It’s confirmation.

“Hello? I’m here, it’s been some time hasn’t it team?”

That cold voice struck through L’s core, making him jump as L- no as Kira entered. He looked really good...A simple pair of grey trousers and a white, buttoned up top- pulled together by black dress shoes, a belt of the same colour with a chunky silver buckle. A blazer folded over the top of his arm as he approached the group...Stunning. Evil. You could feel it. Lawliet was in awe. Kira walked past L, paying absolutely no attention to him, as if he was nothing. It would make his blood boil if it weren’t the perfect and accurate representation of his character.

To Kira. L was nothing.

“Hajime!”

River exclaimed- Nate was a man of small stature and white hair. That was the part of the reason he had casted him...His character, Hanpei Hara was the essence of purity in Deceit.. The youngest of the task force and the one who never once doubts his leader but despises the actions in which he doesn’t know he commits. Constantly condemning him whereas the others would question their actions and the morality of the killings. The only truly honest character, the only certain character.

“Good to see you Hanpei.”  
Light smiled in response, nodding to the other two.

“Harou, Ikkai. Let’s get some work done.”

Perfectly optimistic, just as he had written him. It was stupefying- seeing them interact so...flawlessly. So real. 

They were real...they felt so real. Just like old work friends that had been reunited after a holiday. Lawliet was gobsmacked. Gaze hadn’t had anywhere near this sort of immersion. These actors must be next level. He had to inspect everything. All of them had transformed _everything_ ...Everything felt sharper. They _looked_ sharper.

He didn’t know what to do or say...It actually felt rude to try and interrupt them. They were recounting events mentioned in the script briefly and breathing them into life.

Lawliet needed a bloody cigerette. 


End file.
